Breaking Dawn Part 1

(please note that this is entirely my opinion only… i don’t want no one going all “Kyle Sandilands’ on my ass!!)

I went to see this yesterday. I’m not quite sure if i like it or not. See, I have a love/hate relationship with twilight. I can’t actually tell you what i like about it, but i can tell you what i hate about it. I hate the acting, i hate Bella being so clumsy and whingy, i hate Edward being so possessive and moody, i hate Bella and Edward’s relationship, i hate the dumb things Bella and Edward say to each other, i hate the soppyness of the way Bella and Edward speak to each other, i hate Kristen Stewart, I hate Robert Pattinson yet i can’t help but reading the books and watching the movies religiously.

The movie?

Not good.

The acting was terrible, i mean really terrible. There was not enough of Charlie and Bella’s friends in there because frankly, they’re pretty much the best bit of the whole movie. I’m going to break down parts of the movie that stood out to me (mostly for the wrong reasons).

The Wedding:

The wedding reception speeches are cringy, just like the scene in Bridesmaids. Her wedding dress… FOUL! the dress she wore in her dream sequence was much nicer. Still not my thing, but much nicer.

the foul dress

 (ok, so now that i look at it more, it’s not so foul, but i still think the back is foulness x a zillion!)

I don’t understand her aversion to heels either! In the movie she complains about wearing heels for her wedding! As a massive shoe fetishist (not really, i just have alot of shoes) i just don’t understand that because Kristen Stewart the actress also has this same phobia of heels. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen her on the red carpet wearing chucks or vans but that is a whole other story.

And why can’t she smile for a change? She’s always so miserable. What does she honestly have to be miserable about?

Oh and the kissing at the wedding! gross. who actually makes out for that long in front of all those people?! I know the whole point of it is that they’re so wrapped up in each other that everyone simply disappears but you know what? That’s Buffy’s thing!

The Much Anticipated Sex Scene:

Pretty much non-existent. It wasn’t sexy, just lots of quick camera angles to flesh and lips and panting and sighing. Besides, those two are really awkward in every other scene together, i guess it’s probably extra awkward doing a sex scene together. Although you would assume that as they are dating in real life, it’d be easier but what do i actually know? It’s not like i get paid millions to act out a sex scene (but i bet i could do a hell of a lot better than arched backs and moaning!)
I did hear though, in all fairness, that they cut out alot of the sex scene because the production team were worried that it would get an “x” rating in the US of A and you can’t have an “x” rating for the much obsessed tweens of the series.

The Denali’s:

So the “cousins” of the Cullen’s are meant to be uber-stunning like all the other vampires that we have previously seen (i’m pretty sure every vampire-esque movie/series always has beautiful vampires, except Buffy where the ugly ones are usually evil, corresponding with all fairytales myths etc of good vs evil stereotypes but whole other story) in the Twilight story (ie. Laurent, Victoria x 2, James (um, Yum!), the Volturi) yet they aren’t that stunning.

See for yourselves.

The Denali's

Cam Gigandet

(he has only been added because he’s so delicious. YUM!)

But back to the girls, not that stunning. They look odd actually. And i know it’s because they’re meant to be all smooth, porcelain skin, but they just don’t look uber-stunning to me. Just like Rosalie isn’t that stunning either. I have no real idea what they could have done to make them all look better (Robert Pattinson included… ew!) but the image from the movie doesn’t do the book description any justice.

The Werewolves:

There is the part that i think is the worst bit of the whole movie.

The whole “werewolves” talking in their wolf form scene (there’s about to be a spoiler so if you haven’t read the books and/or seen the movie you may want to look away. Or not, it’s a terrible movie anyway) where Jacob decides that he no longer will follow Sam as he is the rightful leader of the pack. OMG i have no idea what i was watching! Involved was lots of angry camera moves from one wolf to the other, combined with lots of amplified and distorted voice overs which made the whole thing seem really cartoonish and amateurish. I felt like i was watching some animorphs show or something. Weird.

The Verdict:

Despite hating pretty much everything about Twilight, i can’t wait for the next one! I can’t wait to watch it and think to myself… “What the f*ck is this?” and “Why the f*ck am i watching this?”

I’m not very good at rating movies because i tend to not pay attention to a whole lot of it but this movie had me glued. I did not, for one second, want to look away in case i missed something ridiculously bad so based on that, the level of badness, I’d give it an 8 out of 10! You don’t see this movie for the acting, storyline or even drama. You see it because you know it’s going to be so bad that it’s good.

Side note: Why can’t Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson fix their teeth? Surely they have zillions of dollars. I know the whole “we should accept everyone how they are but really? I can’t look anywhere else except straight at them! it’s a distraction!

Side Note #2: I just discovered that it’s Robert PattINson and not Robert PattERson… interesting!

About xxxMissVxxx

I'm Valentina. And I'm pretty awesome!
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One Response to Breaking Dawn Part 1

  1. Emma says:

    I haven’t seen the film yet and don’t plan to, never jumped on board the Twilight train (Harry potter all the way!) I saw the first two films and gave up there the acting was just so cringeworthy and nothing much seemed I happen…

    I agree about Bella’s wedding dress, expected something AMAZING and the reality is disappointing.

    Great post!

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