How to Make Friends at 25

I don’t have alot of close friends. I have alot of acquaintances and I have alot of friends that I see in groups but I don’t have many one-on-one friends.

Lately this has become a problem for me because honestly, I’m actually quite lonely. I’m an introvert, so being alone has never been an issue for me, but alone has now changed to lonely, and that is a problem.

My partner works 7 days a week. I work 4. Most of my friends work 5, and alot work hospitality/retail hours. I spend at least 2 of those 3 days that I’m not working, on my own. I’m struggling to make new friends, good friends, at the ripe old age of 25.

I’ve joined a gym, looked into volunteering, done dance classes, I get involved in most work-related social things but just can’t seem to make anything stick. I’m not a horrible person so I know that’s not it. In fact, I’m probably one of the most positive people I know. Is that off-putting?

Girls my age tend to bond over drinking and boys. I can’t really get involved because I don’t like drinking to get drunk, and I’ve been in the same relationship for the past 9 years. I’ve found that when I do meet new people, It’s not a good idea to talk about the fact that I’m actually happy in my relationship and that my partner isn’t a selfish pig and who is actually considerate and likes spending time with me. It’s makes others uncomfortable, so I find I don’t speak as much as I’d like to. I’ve been in this relationship since I was 16, so I also don’t have any “boys are dicks” stories.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I hate feeling this way. I hate seeing couples on weekends going to brunch together and being able to enjoy their time together because I get jealous that I can’t do the same. I hate that my friends only ever get together to go out and get pissed. Yes, I know I can go with them and not get completely obliterated, but after doing it for so long, I got over it.

***

So after writing that this morning, I’ve been online and found a couple of local meet ups in Melbourne. Basically it’s a website where you can type in what you’re interested in and groups come up matching those interests, giving you the option to join the group or not. I’ve just joined one and hoping I can get to my first meet up on Sunday for an African dance class!

About xxxMissVxxx

I'm Valentina. And I'm pretty awesome!
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12 Responses to How to Make Friends at 25

  1. Ingrid says:

    Good luck!:) It is brave of you to seek out new experiences and possible friendships. When I finished uni a lot of my friends in Sydney moved home and it took some time to develop new friendships but I got there. Proud of you xx

    • xxxMissVxxx says:

      Thanks Ingy!
      It’s a bit scary but I’m just going to jump in and if it works out then it works out. I’ve joined alot of the groups so hopefully i’ll meet heaps of new people over the next few months!

  2. Curly Carly says:

    I can totally relate! My natural inclination is to always do what I enjoy most in my free time, which is doing stuff by myself. Several years ago I realized that as much as I love doing my own thing, it’s probably not healthy all of the time. I’ve slowly, but surely forced myself to make the effort to take an interest in others so that I can get to know them. I used to find it incredibly challenging, but I’ve figured out a few key things that make it a lot easier. They seem like common sense, but I think a lot of people assume they do these things when they actually don’t, at least in the eyes of others. I realized that even when I was perfectly content, I could come off very rude to others because I was just kind of in my own world. Don’t be afraid to casually introduce yourself to people. Chances are, they want to do the same, but are afraid to. Usually people appreciate it when you say hello first. If they’re rude in response, do your best to brush it off…at least you tried to be friendly. Ok anyway, here are the basics of what I’ve learned: 1) Be comfortable with yourself, but not arrogant. 2) Make it clear that you’re happy to see the person and that you’re not just saying hello or hanging out with them out of obligation. 3) Talk to a person as if they’re your best friend (not in a creepy way), but meaning that if your best friend told you something personal, you wouldn’t look down on them.

    I’m sorry this was so long. I guess I’m in an advice-giving mood tonight πŸ™‚

    • xxxMissVxxx says:

      No, don’t be sorry! It’s much appreciated! I think i do number 1 and number 3 but not number 2 all that well. Like you, I come across as rude sometimes. But great advice non the less!

  3. sagestylista says:

    Oh, I can so relate!

    I think my problem is more that I’m very THOUGHTFUL and I work hard to maintain contact with people (we’re ALL busy, but that’s not an excuse for me) and I guess I get stung when people in varying scenarios, aren’t as caring/thoughtful in return. I’m a lot better now!

    I’m quite similar in that I have zero interest in getting pissed, and since I’m a happy single lady, have no boy bashing stories (actually, I have ONE, but I try really hard not to bash him… His insecurities just seem to get the better of him, so he behaves like a twit. Sigh). I’m not in a relationship, but I can empathise a bit on that front in that, if you are happy in whatever state you are relationship/career/sense of self/whatever, and if your entire group is struggling on that front, they do sort of resent you for it… I’m a confident girl, but I’m certainly not arrogant or preaching superiority, but I think sometimes my general positivity is confronting for people if they aren’t happy with themselves?

    • xxxMissVxxx says:

      I think i’m the same! I’m very conscious that i live far from my friends so will always let them know when i’m in their area in advance if i’m aware of it. But i think alot of them just take it for granted that i’m free and so don’t feel the need to contact me because hey, i’ll let them know that i’m free. It seems pathetic but it’s nice to feel as if people are thinking of you.
      And you know, it’s hard to remain positive sometimes so it’s even more frustrating when people resent you for it.

  4. sagestylista says:

    So true. It is tough to stay positive when people around you are wallowing in their own problems. It’s not as though we’re IMMUNE to sad/insecure/painful moments… We just don’t let them become defining characteristics of our life, and this confuses them :S

    The thing I also struggled with was ‘So, should I be less caring/thoughtful person because it’s not working with these people?’ Nope. I don’t think I can, no matter who I meet in life… Why change an intrinsic, wonderful part of me (that I value, in myself and others) because I’ve been dealt a few cards that don’t reciprocate? I am not changing FOR other people! Nope. Just gotta be more careful and selective of those I deeply care about, but always stay open, without bitterness, because you never know what wonderful people you have yet to meet that WILL love you exactly that way. Gosh, I’m getting all emotional and maybe a tad off-topic, haha… Definitely something I’ve been dealing with for a few years, but I know I’m improving because every time I look back, I see just how far I’ve come in the way I feel about the current person/problem as opposed to the past. THAT is where choosing the positive every time, has saved me πŸ™‚

  5. Oh, I so relate to all of this! I sometimes wish, much like dating sites, there was a way to meet likeminded and interesting people with similar interests.

    And I agree with what all of you said, sometimes when you’re the thoughtful ‘organiser’ in the group, people start to take you for granted and then you start to feel really put upon.. 😦

    Out of curiosity, whereabouts in Melbourne do you live, Miss V?

  6. It is a bit like going to kindergarten again and trying to make new friends, isn’t it…we just get tied up with life and suddenly realise that some of the people we were close to previously just aren’t close friends any more…but it is hard to meet people who you just click with. πŸ™‚

    I’m SouthEast suburbs but sure, it would be fun to catch up! πŸ™‚
    That website looks pretty good. πŸ™‚

    • xxxMissVxxx says:

      Yea it does look good. There’s alot there to scope out. Oh I’m in the southeastern suburbs quite a bit. I used to live out that way and so my boyfriend and all my friends are down there!

  7. Drop me an email at nalini.m@gmail.com if you want to catch up! Maybe we can go stalk the beauty counters and have a coffee/cocktail somewhere after. :))

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