As I’ve been in a relationship since I was 16, I haven’t had a really serious breakup. My first break up consisted of me kicking C in the shins and telling him I no longer loved him.
We were 5.
The second, was slightly more serious. I moved away at the age of 12 and we couldn’t see each other.
The 3rd was probably the most traumatic one of all. H and I dated for 3 months, one of which, we didn’t talk the entire the time. Not because we were angry or anything, just because that’s how it worked out. This was before msn messenger and myspace/facebook etc. H then called me out of the blue one night to tell me he had a new girlfriend. I was not like most teenage girls, said “oh that’s good for you,” chatted a bit and hung up. To say I wasn’t heartbroken was an understatement. It really didn’t bother me.
So based on my experience it’s probably a bit silly of me to write this post but over the last 10 years especially, I’ve seen my normally sane friends become psycho’s, simply because of a boy/s.
Here are some things to consider when you are or have been involved with a man:
What to do:
- Respect his privacy. This will mean different things for different people. It may mean not barging into the bathroom when your man is using it, or it may mean not calling every single person in his life when at 6.01 pm he still hasn’t stepped through the door (even though you know the ride home only takes him 13 minutes and he always leaves the office at 5.47 pm) and then grilling him when he gets home until you break down crying and locking yourself in the bathroom because he doesn’t know how to communicate with you.
- He is allowed to have female friends: It’s perfectly ok, most of them don’t want to bang him. Even if they did, they’ve probably already done it before you came along.
- Have the “talk” before deciding to change your status on facebook from “single” to “in a relationship.” It’s probably not a good idea to let the world know before he knows that you’re official.
What not to do:
- Saying “fine” when you don’t mean it: Cut him some slack and tell him the truth, that no, it’s not fine that he wants to spend your anniversary hanging out with the boys instead of you.
- Stalk: Big no-no. Resist the urge to check his facebook/email/phone/bank account/credit card statement/wallet/shirts for lipstick etc. It will never end well.
- Call/text repeatedly: He’ll just be thinking one word when he sees them all. “FREAK!”
- Talk about your future: marriage and/or kids talk when you’ve only had 3 dates is probably not the way to get on his good side.
- Being body conscious: Curling into a ball after sex, screaming”Don’t touch me!” whilst you’re yelling at him through your tears not to look at you cuz you’re fat will just freak him out.
- Showing up unannounced: especially at 3 am, drunk, declaring your love to him whilst Whitney’s “I Will Always Love You” will not endear his neighbours to him, nor endear him to you.
Just remember, doing these things in a relationship is quite psychotic, even more so when you’ve broken up.