How I Know I’m Getting Old: 4 Things I Don’t Get about Concerts

Last night I went to see my most favourite band in the whole wide world – Unwritten Law (UL). UL tour all the time down under.

Unwritten Law : the new line up

Since I was 13, I have only missed one of their concerts, I know all the words to every song, can usually tell you what the song is by a single spoken line or random melody so I’m a pretty dedicated fan. So that’s why it bothers me so much that the way you look or behave basically determines how you will be treated at a gig.

UL played at The Espy. For those of you

The Espy

who don’t call Melbourne home, The Espy is in St Kilda where most of the night life is based. The Espy been excellent in supporting up and coming bands as well as providing great entertainment and of course, food.

So my best friend E and I get to the Espy, bump into two friends of ours and we basically hang with them the whole time.

Anyway, here are the things that I no longer understand about concerts:

• Judging people on how they look: E and I are dressed how we normally do. E in black jeans, a loose, long orange top tied around the middle with a belt and black wedges. I was wearing black jeans, black knee high boots and a red shift top. Not overly dressed up but so different to everyone else. Everyone around us was decked out in all black, with chains, heaps of tatts, piercings and band t-shirts. It was just so odd. Like nobody had grown up since they were 16 and being perceived as being part of the scene based on how you look was more important than your love for the music/band.

  What shitted me off the most is that people around E and I were talking about how out of place we were. Us, who have followed this band for the last 13 years. Us, who know every single word to every single song they have ever released! Yet the way we look is more important and so people felt the need to let us know that we didn’t belong. Now, I’d love to say it was a bunch of 18 year old wankers who know nothing but the sad truth is that most of UL’s followers are my age, 25 or older so they should know better. The sad truth is that these are the very people who, when they were younger complained that they didn’t fit in and people judged them on appearance, yet here they are doing the exact same thing.

Time to grow the fuck up kids!

• Inappropriate footwear in a mosh pit: Seriously, out of all the footwear you own, you decided that heels/sandals are the best options for a gig, where you’re standing/jumping the whole time, in a pub? Here’s a thought. How about you wear comfortable footwear, that will protect your feet so I don’t have to hear you complain about how sore your feet are in between every fucking song.
• Boys who have to “protect” their girlfriends in the pit: The most pit is no place to demand your own personal bubble of space. You will be groped and violated but you know what? It’s not intentional. It’s also what happens when you’re that close to people. Guys who wrap themselves around their girlfriends because they’re too precious should not be in there. Shit happens, and you’ll probably end up getting more hurt. Making out in the pit also makes it into this category.
• Non-Usage of common sense: (this story also relates to the “Boys who protect” section) There was this guy in front of E and I who had long dreaddies and kept flicking his hair around and smashing me in the face (issue of being short) with them. I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if he could possibly lean his head forward instead of backwards when he moshed, to which he then apologized and did his best to adhere to my request. DG (Dreadlock Guy) eventually ended up being in front of two girls who E had gotten into an argument with about 15 minutes before. DG was bothering them with his hair and instead of using common sense DB1 (Dumb Bitch 1) decided to PULL HIS HAIR! WTF?! Are we 12?? DG turned around and DB1 pointed to E to say it was her. DG didn’t buy it and instead grabbed DB1’s beer and drank it, then threw the plastic cup back into her face. DB1’s boyfriend then stepped in, got all macho, then DB2 (Dumb Bitch 1’s friend) decided to throw her beer at DG which instead landed on me. So then I turned around and cracked the shits at her.

  So everyone is arguing and I eventually give up cuz her being a Dumb Bitch, she just didn’t get it. DG and DB1’s boyfriend are fully yelling in the middle of the set, DB1’s boyfriend pushes DG, DG pushes back, DB1’s boyfriend takes a swing at DG, and instead of getting DG, he gets ME! That’s right, DB1’s boyfriend, who is defending the right of his Dumb Bitch of a girlfriend, HITS ANOTHER GIRL. Right in my right eye (this is significant as I’m very paranoid about anything going wrong with my right eye, as my left one is blind). E has cracked it, found an ice pack for my eye and security, who physically escorted DB1 and boyfriend out of the venue, leaving DB2 alone to fix the situation.

  Seriously no common sense. As if logically you would think that pulling someone’s hair, in an arena filled with testosterone and alcohol is a good way to go about it.

Anyway, all that shit has made me decide that I’m too old for it. Everyone thinks they’re too cool and everyone else is beneath them.

So Unwritten Law, as much as I love you (despite the sound being so unbelievably bad), and always will, your fans are fucking dickheads! And I say that with all the hate and reverence I could possibly muster. Like real fucking dickheads. Who should be sterilized and thrown in a room together to battle it out. I’ve been to hundreds of gigs, some with real wankers and never have I seen so much intentional violence, such selfishness and just general wankiness from basically every single person there. There’s no longer any sense of pit etiquette and frankly, I can’t be bothered anymore.

My black eye is the last souvenir that I’ll collect.