I’m pretty average.
In every aspect of my life.
I’m not outgoing yet can be the center of attention, I’m not beautiful but I’m not ugly either. I speak my mind, but don’t for trivial matters. I drink, but not to get drunk. I prefer a night out with the boys then a night out with the girls. I’m smart but not brilliant. I’m good at sport but not great. I like being with people but prefer to be alone. Leave me with a book and bottle of wine instead of taking me to a club.
If you looked at my facebook and judged me solely on that, then you would be right in thinking that my life is average. And that’s fine. It just means I don’t feel the need to share my entire life with everyone around me. And I’m not saying it’s wrong to want to do that, just that it’s not who I am. People think it has to do with me being insecure. I disagree. It’s because I am secure in who I am that I don’t need people to validate what I choose to do in my life. Again, this is not a dig at those who do flaunt everything online. Some people just like sharing.
What worries me about being the way I am is that I have no real ambition. Sure there are things that I want to do but not enough to really motivate me to make those changes. I’m comfortable where I am and yet I want more but don’t have the drive for it. I’m not passionate about things like others and it’s a reason people question my relationship. I’ve been with the same partner for 9.5 years. We don’t have drama in our lives, we’ve never had a massive fight yet we manage to be relatively happy with each other. We don’t experience the highs and lows that some couple’s do and again, it’s to do with our personalities more than anything else. But apparently not fighting equates to lack of passion and ambition for something better. But why do I need to buy into the fairytale that if things aren’t hard then they aren’t worth it? Or don’t mean as much?
I know alot of my friend’s don’t see me as interesting and that’s fine. I’m usually the one making the effort and usually the one who is an after thought. I’m not the one you invite out for a wild night because honestly, I’d rather be in bed by 10 pm. But I am the one who is first point of call when things turn to shit. And whilst that should annoy me and leave me reeling that I’m a last resort, frankly it doesn’t bother me. I don’t want to be known as the good time girl. I’d rather much more be known as a good friend.
And I know I am.
Yes, I get sick of hearing the same stories from the same friends with the only difference being the name of the guy but I actually cherish those moments, because they are the moments that allow me to shine.
I’m good at letting people sit and vent. I’m good at taking things in with no real judgement. That’s not to say I’m not judgmental. I most definitely am at times but its different when someone is spilling their soul to you. I’m good at giving advice and I’m good at tactfully telling people things that they don’t want to hear. I’m good at making people see the other point of view. I’m good at calming people down. I’m good at just being there. And I value that. I think it’s harder to be the one who is constantly looked over. Sure there are pressures associated with being outgoing and out-there and being the centre of attention all the time. But those people don’t need to work on being noticed or thought of. They are automatically.
I sit in the background. And I’m grateful for it. And I’m under no illusion that I matter that much to those around me. This isn’t a “pity me” post at all. This is a realisation I came to a long time ago, one that people tell me should make me upset. But it doesn’t. My self esteem and self worth doesn’t come from others perception of me. It comes from me. Sure, it helps when others hold you in high regards, but I don’t need that for me to feel good about myself.
So that is what I’m good at. I’m good at making others feel good about themselves, letting them vent without real judgement, letting them think they can walk all over me but not actually caring about it.
That is what I’m good at.
And that may not be good enough for other people, but it’s good enough for me.